Archive for the ‘corporal punishment’ Category

More than half of us have had ‘Adverse Childhood Experiences’

October 20th, 2015

This week we welcome our guest blogger Kristi Cooper, Human Sciences Family Life Specialist.

Sunday Dinner at Grandma’s

I love this quote from the program “Lemonade for Life” – “You can’t rewrite the beginning of your story but you can change how it ends.”

Adverse childhood experiences (ACES) affect a child’s neurological, social-emotional and cognitive development. ACES may eventually manifest in chronic health conditions in adulthood.

I’m part of the 55% of Iowans who have more than one ACE. When I think of the chaotic times in my childhood, I’m grateful for the touch points that kept me ‘on track’. The research on Adverse Childhood Experiences tells us these touch points are called resiliency factors. These resiliency factors include individual capabilities, attachment and belonging with caring competent people and a protective community, faith or cultural process. Let me share a few of these touchpoints from my own life and maybe you can see how resilience can be woven through the fabric of our lives.

I am grateful for the elementary school nurse who never questioned my stomach aches and always had clean dry clothes for me to wear when I had an ‘accident’. I’m grateful for my 3rd grade teacher’s calm, caring approach and the interesting hands-on projects she had us do. She introduced me to creative writing which became an outlet for me whenever I felt life was overwhelming. I’m grateful for my grandmothers who loved me unconditionally and were always interested in me. I’m grateful for the routine of Sunday church followed by dinner at Grandma’s house with its comfort food, safety, hugs and laughter. All of these helped me feel normal and sane when life felt scary.

Spending time outdoors with cousins was an important touchpoint for me. Our many adventures catching tadpoles and crawdads, jumping the bogs in the pasture, riding bikes for miles, building snow forts and climbing in the empty corncrib took my mind away from the hurtful times. Music was another touchpoint for me. I saved my 4-H and birthday money and bought a guitar. With the creative writing gift from Miss Ihnen and my new instrument, I made it through a few more turbulent years.

All of these touchpoints helped to reset my stress response – all it takes is a 20 minute activity to reduce heart rate, regulate breathing again and re-focus the mind. As an adult I use meditation, yoga, journaling and sewing projects to reduce anxiety, keep depression away and help my mind think clearly. I have a therapist I consult when I need to sort things out. I’ve used my early experiences to change how I parented my children, hopefully, changing the course of my grandchildren’s lives. These individual resiliency practices combined with positive social relationships and trauma informed community resources help heal the impact of adverse childhood experiences and to reduce the impact of traumatic events.

What are the touchpoints that help(ed) you survive and thrive?

Kristi Cooper

Adverse Childhood Experiences, communicating, corporal punishment, education, family time, parental relationships, parenting, Resiliency, social-emotional , , , , , , ,

Revisiting January 2013 – Corporal Punishment revisited

September 18th, 2014

In light of all the recent publicity around corporal punishment and children, I thought it might be appropriate to revisit our January 2013 podcast and subsequent blogs.

Click below to read about alternatives to physical punishment of children and how you can guide and discipline them in a more loving way.

Corporal punishment and alternative methods of discipline

or our January 2014 topic Anger and parenting

Look back through some of our other topics while you’re there. We would love to talk again about some of them!


Lori Hayungs

conflict, corporal punishment, discipline , , ,

Teach Appropriate Behavior Through Discipline – Online Training

March 11th, 2013

What Else Can I Do?

January 31st, 2013

In this month’s podcast we learned that the research around corporal punishment is not a black and white issue. Then through the blogs several of you raised different perspectives. Ultimately it comes down to what is really a simple question – “How should I respond when my kid is misbehaving?”

Because this is such a big concern for parents, we decided to devote the spring webinar to the topic. Mark your calendar for March 14 from 8:00-9:00 pm. Plan to join us as we:

  • Discuss three common ways parents use guidance and discipline with their children
  • Talk about why children misbehave
  • Figure out the difference between punishment and positive discipline
  • Explore discipline teaching tools appropriate for different ages and temperaments

Watch for further details about the free webinar here on the Science of Parenting site.  

Donna Donald

corporal punishment, discipline, positive parenting, spanking ,

Penalities vs Privileges

January 18th, 2013

“Don’t talk to me that way.” “Quit slamming the door.” Isn’t it amazing how the first words that often come out of a parent’s mouth is a description of what our kids are doing wrong. Then we threaten and soon we’re in the middle of an argument. Taken too far, we may resort to harsh punishment like a slap to the face or a spanking. Later when we cool down, we may realize that nothing was learned and the same problem is apt to happen again and again.

This is where discipline enters the picture. When we want to change behavior, we need to do more than describe what kids are doing wrong. We have to name specifically what we want them to do. Kids do better when we use positives. Here are three simple examples.

  • “Don’t slam the door.” — “Please shut the door quietly.”
  • “Don’t yell at your sister.” — “Talk to your sister in a pleasant voice.”
  • “Don’t be late tonight.” — “Be home by your 10:30 curfew.”

Some parents find they can improve problems with their kids by helping them earn privileges and rewards. This is kind of like the flip side of giving penalties when kids misbehave. It goes like this: instead of grounding your teen for getting home late, you extend her curfew 15 minutes if she gets home on time for two weekends. Or if you son eats what is served for supper during the week, he gets to choose what’s for supper on Friday night.

Your child needs to help decide what the privilege will be. And it shouldn’t be something you can’t afford or takes too much time. Obviously it needs to be something your child wants or values and must be something he can earn soon.

So what do you think? Would this work with your kids?

Donna Donald

corporal punishment, discipline, spanking ,

It’s awfully quiet in here

January 10th, 2013

Psssst  I know you listened to the Corporal Punishment podcast because it tells me how many times it was reviewed.

It’s ok, I know this is a hard topic to discuss out loud. I sometimes feel the most comfortable when I can look up information on my own and think about it first. Here’s the catch – information has to be credible AND reliable information. And here at extension we also demand that it be research based.

So how about we start there – I’m going to share some solid research based resources around the topic of corporal punishment  for you to review and ponder over -and then we can talk a bit more. Feel free to ask us not to post your question individually and we will be happy to post it as a ‘subscriber submitted question’.

Here you go!

Zero to Three


bullying, corporal punishment, discipline, education, positive parenting, safety, social-emotional, spanking , , , , , , ,

Corporal Punishment….. ouch are we really gonna blog about it?

January 4th, 2013

Should parents spank their children? This month that’s our topic~ yes we really are gonna talk about spanking and alternative ways to discipline children.

Listen to the podcast, check out the links and then join us for great discussion!

Research Based links

corporal punishment, discipline, podcast, positive parenting, social-emotional, spanking, temperament , , , , , , , ,