The toddler years!

Parents of active toddlers will often say, “I have to keep my eyes on that child continually,” and how true this can be. Toddlers are learning to use their newfound motion to explore their environment. Touch is one way they learn and grow. Because they are now crawling and getting around on their hands and knees, parents do have a bigger job in protecting their child from hazards and anything that could be a potential concern! As we consider parenting children of different ages, we are looking at developmental milestones –which are things most children can do or are doing by a certain age. We know that each child develops at their own pace! Some children are early, some are on time, and some a little later.

From studies by Goodnow, J. J. (1988); and more recent studies like Bartlett, J. D., Guzman, L., & Ramos-Olazagasti, M. A. (2018)– across the board the research shows that parents who understand developmental milestones are more likely to have age-appropriate expectations, have higher quality interactions, and use more effective parenting strategies. Be sure to listen to the podcast at the 10 minute mark to hear about how brain development impacts how a child continues on their growth journey.

The toddler years may be filled with emotion for many kids. As they are just learning about who they are becoming as individuals, we note that they have very little emotion regulation skills. They are learning to express their needs but can become frustrated when they cannot communicate effectively and we may see the toddler meltdown, or tantrum.  The meltdown could also stem from too much stimulation in the environment.

A few great ideas for engaging with your toddler during this life phase include:

• Spend time reading to your toddler daily.
• Ask your child to name and identify body parts and objects.
• Play games with your toddler, like shape sorting, simple puzzles, or follow the leader.
• Teach your child simple songs and rhymes.
• Give your child attention and praise when following instructions and showing positive behavior and limit attention for defiant behavior like meltdowns.
• Encourage your toddler’s curiosity and include field trips as opportunities to keep learning!

Protecting our children and setting boundaries for safety is something that most parents would agree is essential in raising happy healthy families! The boundaries help support growth and development and children learn they can count on their family members to protect them.

In each life stage, prevention measures must be considered. For infants and toddlers, child-proofing the home, covering outlets, providing baby gates, and anchoring bookshelves are examples of how parents prepare the environment for health and safety.

When children are school-agers we encourage wearing a bike helmet when riding; we may teach children to ask permission before leaving to play at another friends home. 

As teens we may teach “peer pressure” refusal skills so these kids can have a few tools at their disposal for protection and safety. And providing a few explanations of “why” rules and boundaries are established can help children and teens know we value safety!  

Prevention is something everyone can practice! Communicate honestly and frequently with your family members about how and why safety and prevention are important and valued! The lessons learned through shared communication can be the first step in prevention education.

We wanted to share a great article written by our fellow Human Sciences Family Life Specialist, Malisa Rader. Thank you, Malisa for allowing us to share your words.

All children are born with a unique temperament. Some will be more sensitive to scary news stories or worrisome about their safety and the safety of their loved ones, says Malisa Rader, a family life program specialist with Iowa State University Extension and Outreach.

“We need to be mindful of what we are watching and discussing when small ears are around,” Rader said, “while also making sure we take time to listen and pick up on cues our child might be sending us. A change in behavior like clinginess or crying might be a signal that your child is anxious over recent disturbing events in the news.”

Parents, teachers and caregivers can help children that are feeling distressed about safety cope with their fears, Rader said. She recommends the following actions:

Keep regular routines. Stick to your normal schedule and events. Children take comfort in predictable daily activities like dinner at the kitchen table and bedtime rituals. Knowing what will happen provides a feeling of security.

Watch your emotions. Parents everywhere are shocked and saddened when children are victims of a tragic event. Children that are sensitive to emotions can pick up on this and become concerned for their own safety or the safety of others. When adults maintain a calm and optimistic attitude, children will also.

Have conversations with your child. Find out what your child knows and what questions he or she would like answered. Young children might express themselves through drawing or in their play. Provide reassurance, clear up any misconceptions and point out to your child the many helpful people in emergency events like law enforcement and medical professionals. Talk with your child about what is happening to make him or her safe at home, school or in the neighborhood.

Limit your TV viewing.  Monitor what is on the television set and for how long. Young children may not understand that scenes repeating on news stations are all the same event. Choose a favorite video to maintain better control over what is viewed by your children.

Find healthy ways to deal with feelings. Taking a walk together, reading a favorite book, or playing a board game can be comforting to both you and your child.

Take action. If your child continues to show concern, he or she may be feeling a loss of control. Doing something such as sending a donation or writing a letter can help bring back a sense of power and help your child feel a part of the response.

Seek professional advice if needed. If your child shows symptoms of distress such as a change in appetite or sleep patterns, speak with your child’s physician or a mental health professional. You can also contact ISU Extension and Outreach’s Iowa Concern hotline at 1-800-447-1985.

As the NEW YEAR looms, I am eager to welcome the start of a new season! Before that happens, enjoy this podcast featuring the temperament trait “intensity”. The Science of Parenting team has dedicated their podcast episodes to revealing temperament traits and helping parents learn strategies to support their family members. “Intensity”, a trait defined as the amount of energy exhibited in emotional expression is highlighted here.

We can think about intensity as our ability to express emotion. Like joy over something very happy, or sadness and regret when something unfortunate happens, is what keep us human! We don’t and won’t all experience the same set of feelings when similar things happen to us. Because of our lived experiences, we will approach our reaction to situations very personally.

The connections young children have with their parent will help the child to be able to manage the emotions they possess. A parent may have to regulate their own emotions first, before helping a young person try to manage theirs. In fact, we may even have to step away from each other for a time, when emotions run high, before we can come back together to address an intense situation.

In this podcast, Mackenzie and Lori offer several tools to help with the challenges an intense temperament might present to parents.

Earlier this spring, when the word “pandemic” was still relatively new to our vocabulary, our team released a bonus episode on Missing Out on the Big Moments. We were hearing about the emotional toll that missing out on events and rites of passage was having on our kids. Now, several months down the road, this concept of missing out because of COVID is a common experience for kids and adults alike.

In the midst of a pandemic and the holiday season, the research around “missing out” and family rituals from this episode is still incredibly relevant. In this episode, you hear our co-hosts define rituals as events that are symbolic, emotionally affective, and having meaning across generations. Many of the holiday traditions families practice meet this definition! We know that tough conversations and emotions can be apart of our family interactions during the holidays in this pandemic as we all try to adjust.

In this episode, you’ll hear about ideas to adjust family rituals. Even if you already heard it this spring, we hope you’ll consider listening with a new perspective. Now that we have been in this pandemic a little longer you may have new insights and questions. Also, you may want to focus more on your own emotions around adjusting these family rituals.

Please join us in revisiting the topic of Missing Out on the Big Moments by examining research around family rituals!

Each year, the holidays bring a rich set of traditions for many families. This year however, while living with the Covid-19 pandemic, our family traditions may take on a new reality. Instead of large gatherings, we may have smaller intimate gatherings. Instead of spending time together in one home, we may gather around our computers and share stories via video chat. We can continue to celebrate the holidays, but we may need to be creative to keep all family members safe and healthy!

The many responsibilities parents encounter as they prepare for the holiday season can be stressful! One challenge is identifying household tasks and finding time to complete those tasks and still have enough time and energy to respond openly to your children and family. During this podcast, the discussion reveals research around how household division of labor is managed in many homes.

There is some evidence (Meier, McNaughton-Cassill, & Lynch, 2006) that mothers report managing more of the household and childcare tasks than their co-parents. Join the Science of Parenting team as they explore the research behind sharing the tasks that are so important to raising happy, healthy families.

Lori and Mackenzie share evidence that suggests parents who feel appreciated for the household tasks they perform are more likely to continue to complete the tasks. Most everyone will admit it feels good to be noticed or recognized for doing well or accomplishing a task. Families will find they have more time together if all members share the housekeeping load.

Regulating our emotions is not always an easy task. As adults, our early experiences shape the way we respond to adversity or challenges. We must be aware that the kids around us are watching how we respond, react, or behave when faced with challenges.

Especially now, during times of pandemic, as our routines and schedules have been interrupted, we may see behaviors from our children that may indicate they are struggling with the mounting pressure of having to socially distance, study from home, or put aside their desire to be out and about with friends.

These pressures may be revealed in a variety of ways. We may see tears; yelling; or even meltdowns because of the mounting frustration.

When emotions get high, our ability as the parent to self-regulate can assist other members of the family to find peaceful ways to self-regulate.

It doesn’t mean we won’t have times when we are upset or challenged, but it means that we will need to call upon appropriate techniques, and that can be hard to do.

Stop. Breathe. Talk. is a technique which gives the brain time to re-focus energy from the limbic portion of the brain, where our emotion sensor is, to the prefrontal cortex, where our rational, decision-making portion of the brain is and can engage.

Helping kids move from the meltdown into the calm down stage means they, too, must have time to re-regulate. The wiring of their brain must re-focus back to the pre-frontal cortex, where they can think about how they want to respond.

The Covid 19 pandemic has brought families together in more ways than one. Let us use this time together to build family resilience, reengage our communication with one another and support one another until we can say the pandemic is gone.