Category: podcast

How to Navigate Making COVID-19 Decisions

Mackenzie Johnson 2 Comments

I don’t know about you folks, but I have been exhausted lately. Getting ready to go back to school, navigating new expectations and norms, and living in a pandemic all adds up. On top of all of that, as parents, we are constantly making decisions for our families.

  • “What should we eat this week?”
  • “When is the last time my kid has a bath/shower? Do they need one today?”
  • “What is our family expectations around living in a pandemic?”
  • “What are we going to change in our school routine this year?”
  • “Am I going to pick kids up first or try to run this quick errand?”

My brain feels like it is continuously ON, trying to make these decisions that range from tiny to enormous. The Science of Parenting team is guessing that you’ve maybe been feeling this way too. The back-to-school transition is already kind of hectic, but adding the layer of a pandemic has made it a whole new ballgame. So we’ve put together a bonus episode on Decision Making and the Back-to-School transition. We talk with Dr. David Brown about the continuum of stress for families in this pandemic, we explore parenting decision-fatigue, and we talk about specific strategies for reducing that exhausting feeling of stress and decision-fatigue.

We also share some important resources for parents like you. Check out the bonus episode as well as the links below.

Mackenzie Johnson

Parent to a little one with her own quirks. Celebrator of the concept of raising kids “from scratch”. Learner and lover of the parent-child relationship. Translator of research with a dose of reality. Certified Family Life Educator.

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Activity: It Takes Energy

Barb Dunn Swanson

Have you ever watched your toddler explore their environment and thought, “Wait, let me catch up to you!”?

If you have, you might be parenting a child with a very active temperament. You may have a child who is learning and growing through exploration and play. They may be so active that you are fearful for their safety, and you find yourself glancing around the house for unknown hazards.

As parents monitor a child’s environment and see potential dangers or hazards, the active child sees a challenge and an invitation to move. A child who is more cautious is still taking in information and making decisions based on what is seen and experienced around them. The child who seems fearless and ready to take on the world is wired differently and ready for adventure, even when a parent spots danger on the horizon.

On the other end of the spectrum is the child who is less active. One who is content to sit and watch and take in information while carefully observing what is happening all around them. It is even possible to have siblings with opposite active temperaments in the same household. The challenge for parents is engaging each child’s temperament with joy and expectation because each child is using all their energy and knowledge to reach the developmental milestones necessary for healthy development.

As parents, our job is to take our cue from our child. Providing boundaries that protect our children yet with enough room to take age-appropriate risks is important as children move through their developmental milestones in their quest for autonomy. Parents who can tune into the activity levels of their children without blame and shame can provide the support and encouragement their child needs to continue to reach and meet the many growth milestones throughout childhood. 

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Persistence: Celebrate It!

Barb Dunn Swanson 2 Comments

Have you ever tried to learn something new, perhaps a new language, preparing a new recipe, or putting together a piece of furniture with directions from a kit? All of these opportunities require us to have a set of skills in order to be successful. One of the biggest skills we rely upon in situations is persistence: the idea that we are going to stay with the job until it is completed. The idea that we will see our effort to the end.

Children learn persistence when they are learning new skills, like eating, crawling, and walking. Although we may not have a working memory of learning to eat or crawl or even walk, we had to have persistence to develop the skill.

Persistence can be challenging, too. When a toddler or an older child is focused on completion of some task, they may not hear the request of a parent or another sibling. Parents could see this as a refusal to listen, or as disobedience. Consider, however, that the child was so focused and attuned to their task that they truly heard nothing.

Persistence is useful throughout our lifetime. The ability to use our focus and concentration can help to complete schoolwork, keep a clean room, complete a 4-H or Eagle Scout project, attend to a music lesson, learn a new language, and so much more. Check out The Science of Parenting podcast as the discussion of temperament continues highlighting persistence and how parents can celebrate it.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Intensity: (Maybe) Not So Calm and Collected

Barb Dunn Swanson

Temperament is our predisposition to how we react in any type of situation. It’s in-born, genetic and with us from the very beginning of life. The Science of Parenting team is introducing us to the temperament continuum and have been exploring the nine different traits (as described by Chess and Thomas). How much of each trait we personally possess is unique to each of us. One of the nine traits is INTENSITY, and identified as:

the amount of energy exhibited in emotional expression.

We can think about intensity as our ability to express emotion. Like joy over something very happy, or sadness and regret when something unfortunate happens, is what keep us human! We don’t and won’t all experience the same set of feelings when similar things happen to us. Because of our lived experiences, we will approach our reaction to situations very personally.

The connections young children have with their parent will help the child to be able to manage the emotions they possess. A parent may have to regulate their own emotions first, before helping a young person try to manage theirs. In fact, we may even have to step away from each other for a time, when emotions run high, before we can come back together to address an intense situation.

In this weeks podcast, Science of Parenting hosts offer several tools to help with the challenges an intense temperament might present to parents. Join us as we look continue on our temperament journey.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Sensitivity: It Makes Sense

Barb Dunn Swanson 2 Comments

From an early age, our sensitivity is part of us. How we connect with others, and how others react and interact with us! How sensitive we are to sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touch. Our senses are also tightly connected to our emotions. How we use them is dependent in part, on how our brains are wired. It is also dependent on how others respond to us.

Parents may wonder why one child covers their ears at loud noises and another can seemingly sleep through fireworks. The differences are because we are all unique, with our own genetic makeup and each of us comes into the world at different times and our journey is uniquely ours.

Temperament is how we act and react to stimuli that we experience. Each week, during season three, The Science of Parenting team is exploring different temperament styles and discussing the characteristics and potential strategies for working with our children who may have various temperaments.

All temperaments are to be celebrated including the ones that challenge our parenting skills the most. Our children, too, must adjust to their own temperament, and not just during childhood, but throughout their lifetime as well. Our temperament follows us and becomes an important part of who we are in the world.

The sensitive child may have been born with a nervous system that is quick to react to their environment. The sensitive child may express a variety of emotions, may be overwhelmed in crowded situations, and may be very creative. Parents with children who exhibit these traits may need strategies that include: acceptance of your child’s unique gifts and talents; creating calm environments; checking in with your child to create connection; and remembering that this child of mine is like no one else.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Temperament: It’s in Their Nature

Barb Dunn Swanson 4 Comments

A new addition to the family can be met with wonder, anticipation and perhaps many questions. Who will this child of mine become? Will I know what to do, to take care of this precious little one? New life brings all kinds of questions for parents. Every new life is a unique creation full of individual traits. These traits are causes for celebration! Join The Science of Parenting team as they explore “temperament”.

What is temperament? Temperament can be described as the combination of mental, physical, and emotional traits of a person; or the natural predisposition someone possesses.

Parents, as first educators of their children, can support the temperament of their children in a variety of ways. A parent’s reaction to a child’s behaviors, will be the child’s first notion about appropriateness of their behaviors and responses. When we acknowledge that their temperament is a gift and is preparing them for all the many joys and challenges they will face in their lifetime, we can then choose how we respond. We can respond with frustration if we are tired, overwhelmed, or upset. We can also respond with patience, calm, and reassurance so that our child knows that behaviors can be managed, and as parents we will be there to help them learn to manage their own behaviors.

Drop in on season three of the Science of Parenting Podcast as Lori and Mackenzie reveal there is no bad or good temperament. Each trait has assets and liabilities. Learning to understand, appreciate and work with the trait is what builds positive parenting opportunities.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Embrace Your Support Network

Barb Dunn Swanson

As human beings, we feel many emotions and the calling to be connected to one another. The connections give us a sense of security, safety, and purpose. Parents will often tell how significant it is to have the love and support of others as they try to raise their children. Support can be identified in several ways, including extended family, workplace support, community resources, and support of the co-parent and siblings.

Some families are on their own to raise and nurture because extended members are not local. Also, not all workplace situations consider or provide family-friendly benefits or support. The ability of parents to seek out support is a helpful skill. Identifying what types of support or assistance that are necessary to meet a family’s needs is also important.

When parents are working, they have competing interests on their mind and it can be hard to focus. Finding others who can step in and provide support in terms of childcare; recreation support; school support or even opportunities for parents to get away for some self-care support is critical to feeling competent.

The Science of Parenting team visits about how important support systems are to the development of happy healthy families.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Define Your Philosophy

Mackenzie DeJong

When it comes to parenting, being on the same page or in agreement with your co-parent usually brings some stability and confidence with decision making. When co-parents agree to a parenting philosophy their actions communicate a solid foundation that can provide boundaries and safety for the entire family.

Deciding on a parenting philosophy may take some research or discussion. Some parent the way they were parented; Others parent based on what they have studied about healthy child development. Several philosophies that have been highlighted include:

  • Attachment parenting
  • Authoritative parenting
  • Authoritarian parenting
  • Permissive parenting
  • Helicopter parenting

Learning about the styles and how they fit your family’s values is important. Children who know what is expected of them and feel safe and secure will be better able to manage their behavior. One study, the Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaption (MLSRA) revealed that the quality of the early attachment was influential well into later childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. This study highlights the importance of the first few years of life and how influential parents can be to the growth and development of their children.

Identifying a parenting style or philosophy is one important step in creating a happy healthy family.  

Join the Science of Parenting Podcast hosts as they explore and discuss the role of identifying a parenting philosophy in this episode.

Mackenzie DeJong

Aunt of four unique kiddos. Passionate about figuring how small brains develop, process, and differ. Human Sciences Specialist, Family Life in western Iowa with a B.S. in Family and Consumer Sciences and Design minor.

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How to Find Balance

Barb Dunn Swanson

The many responsibilities parents encounter as they raise a family, send kids to school, and perhaps even work outside the home are far-reaching. Every day brings new opportunities and with those, challenges too. One challenge is identifying household tasks and finding time to complete those tasks and still have enough time and energy to respond openly to your children and family.

There is some evidence (Meier, McNaughton-Cassill, & Lynch, 2006) that mothers report managing more of the household and childcare tasks than their co-parents. Join the Science of Parenting team as they explore the research behind sharing the tasks that are so important to raising happy, healthy families. They will even explore the notion that some co-parents won’t relinquish enough control, to allow the other parent an opportunity to contribute.

Lori and Mackenzie share evidence that suggests parents who feel appreciated for the household tasks they perform, are more likely to continue to complete the tasks. Most everyone will admit, it feels good to be noticed or recognized for doing well or accomplishing a task. Families will find they have more time together if all members share the housekeeping load.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Accentuate the Positive

Barb Dunn Swanson 4 Comments

Becoming a parent is a big responsibility and one that brings joy and some uncertainty too. You may wonder if you will know how to respond to your baby, and as they grow, you will still have those same questions. Parents want to feel like they know what their children need, and they want to be judged as doing a great job parenting their children. In fact, a 2015 Pew Research Study revealed that “Regardless of how they see themselves, parents care a lot about how others perceive their parenting skills.”

Parents want the support of their co-parent first and foremost, followed by the support of their own parents. Feeling confident in our parenting role is important and impacts our children too. Additional research has revealed that parents’ positive emotions could help them to notice a wider range of strengths in themselves and their children, and to think of a greater number of ways to deploy their strengths. In this episode of the Science of Parenting Podcast, Lori and Mackenzie discuss parenting strengths and introduce us to a tool called the Keys to Interactive Parenting Scale (KIPS). The confidence and support parents have in their abilities provide dividends for the whole family.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Getting After Stress

Barb Dunn Swanson

The uncertainty around many of the situations that families may have been experiencing lately can cause us to experience the “s” word…also known as STRESS! While stress can take many forms and it can be considered both positive and negative, all of us, at one time or another, have probably experienced stress!

Over time, each of us must find an appropriate set of coping techniques to use so that when we feel a little panicked, or stressed, we can indeed cope! None of us likes to feel out of control, so being able to manage our stress is important. There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction.

Take a listen to our podcast as Mackenzie and Lori discuss how “stress” can be managed while also caring for your children and the family. The Science of Parenting team takes pride in providing resources and education that can assist anyone manage and cope with the stress they encounter. Begin your stress relief journey by visiting our parenting resources for helpful information whether you are parenting an infant, preschool child, or teen, help is just a click away.  

If you need additional support during this time Iowa Concern, offered by ISU Extension and Outreach, provides confidential access to stress counselors and an attorney for legal education, as well as information and referral services for a wide variety of topics. With a toll-free phone number, live chat capabilities and a website, Iowa Concern services are available 24 hours a day, seven days per week at no charge. To reach Iowa Concern, call 800-447-1985; language interpretation services are available. Or, visit the website, to live chat with a stress counselor one-on-one in a secure environment. Or, email an expert regarding legal, finance, stress, or crisis and disaster issues.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Being Both a Parent and a Person

Barb Dunn Swanson 2 Comments

The parenting years can be both a blur of activity and sleepless nights, a time of great excitement and unending joy for many families. As parents work to figure out how best to meet the needs of the little ones in their care, they must also realize their own self-care needs. We often hear the phrase, “you can’t pour from an empty bucket.” Having an awareness of our own needs with a plan for meeting those needs is essential.

While some may see this notion of self-care as selfish, mental health and parenting professionals both agree that self-care is essential. According to Psychologist, Dr. Anthony Borland of the Cleveland Clinic, “remind yourself that you’re doing something to strengthen your family — if you’re happier and healthier, then you can be a happier, more attentive parent.”1

Parenting self-care can look different for each parent. For some, exercise and time out of the house may be the boost that is needed to feel refreshed and re-energized. The fresh air and the endorphins that are released in response to exercise are helpful. We know the benefits to children who experience exercise and outdoor activities, the same is true for adults.

Watch your self-talk. While parenting takes energy, and strength, we must be sure our self-talk reflects that positivity. During caregiving for children, we cannot let the crying, or screaming that sometimes happens, drown out our own self-talk. We must find the things we can control and speak words of praise or affirmation. These words are a powerful self-care strategy.

As Mackenzie Johnson, co-host of The Science of Parenting suggests, know when to “tag out” with someone for some alone time. If you have someone you co-parent with, tagging out, is a way for one parent to hand off the reins of caregiving to the other co-parent for a time, to get a bit of “me time”. The time away helps to get re-energized and ready to give 100% again.

One last idea, when all else fails, don’t forget the technique we encourage all families to practice “STOP BREATH TALK”. The technique is useful in a variety of situations. It is a way to intentionally stop what we are doing, take some time to reflect and then change course if needed, or make a different decision.

Self-care is a combination of strategies designed to make each of us stronger at the roles we find ourselves in daily. It is never selfish; it is always essential.

1 Team, F. H. (2019, August 16). 5 Realistic Ways to Practice Self-Care as a Parent. Retrieved April 14, 2020.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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How to Help Kids Cope and Contribute during COVID-19

Barb Dunn Swanson

The new “normal” that many families have endured recently includes limiting their time engaging with friends and neighbors in an attempt to practice social distancing. This experience is probably very new for many people. Not only is it new, but it can also be very lonely and disappointing. Children who want to play with friends, but who are told they cannot, may really have many questions. Their emotions may spill over with fear, anger and even anxiety as they try to adjust to this situation.

Providing additional parental hugs of reassurance that the boundaries and limits that are being followed at this time will not last forever. Taking the time to listen to children as they express their emotions will help them to brainstorm solutions for how they can cope with limited time with friends and neighbors. Young children may have an exaggerated response to being separated from their friends, so talking and reassuring your child is important. Perhaps using a social media platform to check in with the neighborhood playmates may help to ease the separation anxiety.

Even older teens may feel lonely or isolated or even experience the FOMO “fear of missing out” on what their friends are doing in their own homes, practicing social distancing. Visit with your children and let them know that their concerns might be turned into something positive. For example, if we are missing our friends, could we each keep a simple journal to highlight our days, and how we spend time as a family?

If we had concerns about a neighbor who lives alone, could we make cards of greeting and well wishes? Even a daily walk to enjoy the fresh outdoor air can make a difference and lift our spirits.

Our situation may not change overnight, but our response to it can! We can choose to communicate with one another and find ways to support each other through the covid-19 pandemic. We can listen to the emotions our family members have, and brainstorm helpful solutions.

As a reminder, we always encourage families to remember to Stop, take some deep breaths, and then Talk with intention to one another. Listen to our Science of Parenting Podcaster Mackenzie Johnson as she describes the benefits of the STOP BREATHE TALK method.

In addition, the following additional resources may be helpful to you and your family.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Defining Parenting Styles

Barb Dunn Swanson

How we choose to parent our children may be reflective of how we ourselves were parented, or upon our own knowledge, or perhaps our wish to please our children and others around us. No matter the influence, identifying a parenting style that works for your family and is effective in providing the boundaries and safety that your family needs is a decision for you and your co-parent alone.  

A great deal of credit for research on parenting styles goes to Diana Baumrind who came up with the parenting styles back in 1971. The four styles are defined by whether parents were high or low in two traits – demandingness and responsiveness.

Demandingness is the degree to which parents have expectations and standards of children and responsiveness is the warmth parents provide and the acceptance of their child’s needs and wants.

Baumrind outlined three parenting styles. Authoritative, Authoritarian, and Permissive.

  • Authoritative parents are both appropriately demanding and responsive.
  • Authoritarian parents tend to have high expectations but may not be as responsive to their child’s needs.
  • Permissive parents are very responsive to their child’s needs, but may provide too much freedom and not enough expectation or structure.

Parenting styles do affect our children, in fact, research has revealed that parenting styles are related to a child’s academic achievements, well-being and self-esteem, health and risky behavior, and school results and enrollment. Research has also revealed authoritative parenting consistently leads to more positive outcomes for children.

I bet a lot of us have never wondered just which style we go to when parenting our children. Perhaps it is only during times of challenging behavior, that you may need to reflect upon which way to respond, and which style will prove more beneficial to our children in the long run. We really need to find a balance between demandingness and responsiveness, in other words having expectations of our kids while also being responsive to their needs.  

The Science of Parenting podcast hosts had a lively conversation about parenting styles and discussed the difference between compliance vs. cooperation, and how important it is for families to strike a balance that will provide the love and limits all children and families need.

You can subscribe to us on any podcasting app to tune in to our weekly episode, or keep an eye on Facebook or Twitter to make sure you stay caught up. Our next time LIVE on Facebook will be April 30 at 12:15 p.m.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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Slow Down

Barb Dunn Swanson

When both children and adults experience some type of stress, it often ends with an emotional outburst – sometimes from kids, and sometimes from parents, too. When it comes to these emotional meltdowns, who has the control – parents or kids? To find that answer, let’s look at a little research on brain development.

Our brains are an important organ in the development of regulating our emotions, feelings, and decisions. In fact, the human brain is not fully developed until we are into our early 20’s. This means that the earliest, most primitive portions of the brain are more readily activated than other parts of our brain – those responsible for helping us to make good decisions about how best to express our emotions.

Babies communicate their needs through emotion all the time. If we hear a baby cry, we anticipate the need may mean hunger, tiredness, or even a diaper change is in order. As we age, our verbal skills allow for us to tell others what we need. And finally, when we have the entire brain working, we can use communication along with other coping skills to manage our ever-increasing emotions. Ultimately, this means that our kids don’t have the emotional self-control skills that parents do. Now this may be hard to hear, but as the adults in the situation, that means we have to take control of our emotions.

Sometimes parents need help calming down, too. The need to slow down and even breathe, then talk, allows us to re-regulate. When we feel overwhelmed with emotion, the decisions we make in those moments may not be as clear or satisfactory, as when we have given ourselves permission to step back and take some time to think. Our body needs time to get re-regulated after a big emotional outburst.

On the podcast this week, we discuss the importance of self-regulation (or emotional self-control), and reveal some research highlighting the long-term benefits of regulatory self-control.

All of us have big feelings from time to time. It is during those times that we may need to use our STOP, BREATHE, TALK approach. Parents and kids, it is helpful to slow down when you feel those big emotions. Let your body get regulated and then reach back out to one another and communicate!

You can subscribe to us on any podcasting app to tune in to our weekly episode, or keep an eye on Facebook or Twitter to make sure you stay caught up. Our next time LIVE on Facebook will be April 30 at 12:15 p.m.

Barb Dunn Swanson

With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!

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