Were you able to join us for the very first LIVE podcast from The Science of Parenting on Thursday?! We talked a little more in-depth into our favorite parenting strategy – Stop. Breathe. Talk. If you are unfamiliar with this strategy, we have several blog posts you can look at:
As you can tell, we think taking the time to stop, take a breath, and think about how you want to proceed before you talk, is a great strategy for intentional parenting! But does the research back it up? YES – in fact, a 2014 study from Hurrell, Hudson, and Schneiring has demonstrated that parental reactions to children’s emotions play a role in the development of children’s emotional regulation.
In other words, the way WE, as parents, react and interact with our child during a heated or challenging moment plays an important role in our children’s emotional development. What we model for them in terms of how we handle our own emotions affects how they will learn to handle their own big feelings.
Now there are plenty of times when my own “big feelings” get ahead of me in a tough moment. I do not get it right every time! But I tend to do better when I remember to Stop. Breathe. Talk. It just gives me the chance to get out of my own emotions and slow down. The breath helps reset my brain so I can think a little more clearly. And then, after I’ve calmed down a little, I can speak to my child in a way that I intend to.
Learn more about our Stop. Breathe. Talk. strategy by watching or listening to the recording of our Live broadcast!
You can subscribe to us on any podcasting app to tune in to our weekly episodes, or keep an eye on Facebook or Twitter to make sure you stay caught up.
Parent to a little one with her own quirks. Celebrator of the concept of raising kids “from scratch”. Learner and lover of the parent-child relationship. Translator of research with a dose of reality. Certified Family Life Educator.
With all that’s going on to prevent the spread of COVID-19, many important events have needed to be adjusted, postponed, or even cancelled. Some of these events may be things that we and our kids, have been looking forward to for quite some time.
I’ve seen countless stories on social media about kids and parents alike who are sad or frustrated about events getting cancelled – like prom, commencement, family reunions, state level sports competitions, weddings, the big spring theater production, holiday gatherings, and other “rites of passage”. These big feelings associated with missing out are completely understandable and valid!
Part of the reason we have these big feelings about this is that many of these events would meet the research definition of a ritual. According to a literature review by Fiese and colleagues, rituals are defined across three important characteristics. They are…
Symbolic – rituals are a representation of “who we are”. (In other words, the event’s meaning may be more about what it represents than what we actually do during it).
Enduring and affective – rituals create an emotional and impactful memory that we can look back on.
Meaningful across generations – Rituals give us something to look forward to that those before us and after us will also participate in.
When we look at the event cancellations that have left us with shoulders dropped and tears in our eyes, we may find that it’s because they are tied to an important ritual or rite of passage. Our kids may have been looking forward to a ritual like walking across that stage at graduation – it represents an accomplishment and transitional phase in their life; it is a significant event that has an emotional impact; and it is something that parents, siblings, friends, and additional generations take part in.
It’s completely understandable that parents and kids alike are having big feelings about these unexpected changes. As adults, we recognize that while it may be disappointing to miss these events, that we will be okay in the long run. Hopefully we are using healthy coping strategies to adjust to these changes. However, our kids don’t necessarily have the same skills that we do, so it’s important to help them navigate these cancellations and adjustments.
Here’s four steps for helping your child navigate tough feelings of disappointment or frustration about cancellation of these rituals:
Find out what “rituals” or big moments specifically your child is reflecting on. There may be different events that are more important to them than you might realize. Maybe they care more about missing out on senior activity day than about prom. (Hint: that’s okay!)
Ask how they are feeling about it, and then accept and acknowledge those feelings. Some kids might feel anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, or even relief about events getting cancelled. Whatever it is they are feeling – that’s okay. Listen to your child, and try to avoid dismissive statements like “there are way worse things in the world”, “suck it up”, or “it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things”. While some of these statements may have some truth to them, it is not very helpful or supportive. Instead, try to focus on statements like “it’s okay to feel _______”, “I know this is something you were looking forward to”, or “this is really hard”.
Provide some extra attention, talk about concerns, and provide the factual reason why the big moment was cancelled or postponed. Gently remind your child of the factual reasons why the event was postponed. Also remind them that it’s not their fault, or your fault, or the school’s fault. Try to give them the extra time to express their concern or frustration.
Think creatively about how we can still create some of those feelings associated with this big moment or ritual. Think about how you can use your knowledge of the definition of rituals to still create a special memory, even if it looks different than originally planned. Maybe you can reenact the moment, do something virtually, commit to celebrating at a later date, or even asking your child what they’d like to do instead.
To gain a broader understanding on rituals and the impact of missing out, please listen or watch The Science of Parenting’s mini episode, “Missing Out on Big Moments.”
Watch the video:
Or Listen (also available on most podcast apps, including Apple and Spotify!):
Parent to a little one with her own quirks. Celebrator of the concept of raising kids “from scratch”. Learner and lover of the parent-child relationship. Translator of research with a dose of reality. Certified Family Life Educator.
As you might know, The Science of Parenting loves to look at research and reality. We believe parents should have access to trustworthy information, and they can use that information to make decisions about what’s best for their unique family. Where the challenges sometimes come in is actually FINDING that research-based information. Who can you trust to give you unbiased information?
Research by Bernhardt & Felter confirms that parents consider information gathered from a university or medical professional to be more trustworthy than commercial sites, and we tend to agree. However, this same study mentions that parents are using commercial sites at a high rate! These commercial sites might be blogs or even companies that sell children’s products. So even though we don’t think it’s the most reliable source of information, we are sometimes still going to those places to get information.
Why are parents doing this? If you ask me, I think it’s because often times, those commercial sites are simply easier to find. They often come up on the top of the search engine list. I also think it’s because sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe we looked for information in more trustworthy places and simply couldn’t find any answers. Or sometimes it comes down to needing something – support, advice, information, etc. – because sometimes we feel desperate as parents. Even if it’s not ideal, sometimes SOMETHING is better than NOTHING. No judgment here – I’ve absolutely been in the place where I just need something to help me.
We explore this exact topic in our second episode of The Science of Parenting podcast, and we also share four strategies to help you find trustworthy information!
You can subscribe to us on any podcasting app to tune in to our weekly episode, or keep an eye on Facebook or Twitter to make sure you stay caught up. And don’t forget to join us LIVE on Facebook on March 26 at 12:15 P.M. as we talk about our favorite strategy – Stop. Breathe. Talk!
Parent to a little one with her own quirks. Celebrator of the concept of raising kids “from scratch”. Learner and lover of the parent-child relationship. Translator of research with a dose of reality. Certified Family Life Educator.
We launched our new podcast! If you’ve been following The Science of Parenting for awhile, you know that we like to look at things with a lens of R&R –and while we think rest and relaxation is important, we are talking about RESEARCH and REALITY. And that’s exactly what our podcast focuses on: looking at parenting research and exploring how it’s been relevant to our own family realities.
We think parents like you should be able to find trustworthy information when you want it. Research conducted by Zero to Three (2016) tells us that parents need and want information and support. The report says found “80% of parents work to be better parents, and 69% of parents say if they knew more parenting strategies, they would use them. Despite this motivation, however, almost half of parents say they aren’t getting the support they need during times of stress.”
The Science of Parenting team wants to help you find the
support they need in times that you need it! This is why we put together a
resource website, write blogs, and now have a podcast: we are working to give
you easier access to research-based, trustworthy information that you can use
to make decisions for your own family.
We are also so excited that podcasting gives us an opportunity to share a little bit more of our own REALITY as parents with all of you! So join us on this new adventure to help get trustworthy, non-judgmental parenting information in your hands (and ears).
You can subscribe to us on any podcasting app to tune in to our weekly episodes, or keep an eye on Facebook or Twitter to make sure you stay caught up. And don’t forget to join us LIVE on Facebook on March 26 at 12:15 P.M. as we talk about our favorite strategy – Stop. Breathe. Talk!
Parent to a little one with her own quirks. Celebrator of the concept of raising kids “from scratch”. Learner and lover of the parent-child relationship. Translator of research with a dose of reality. Certified Family Life Educator.
If you follow along with us on social media, you may have noticed our team ‘teasing’ an upcoming project. Last week in the blog, I mentioned a few resolutions for March, which was also a teaser for that same project.
We have an announcement … We’re launching a podcast!
Thanks for continuing to follow along with us on our journey as we bring you information in new and exciting ways!
You’ll be able to listen to us on Thursdays weekly in any podcast feed, as well as watch us on Facebook. We’re also going LIVE Thursday once per month at 12:15 p.m.!
We’ll continue our blog posts, which will align with our weekly podcasts.
Aunt of four unique kiddos. Passionate about figuring how small brains develop, process, and differ. Human Sciences Specialist, Family Life in western Iowa with a B.S. in Family and Consumer Sciences and Design minor.
From “The Wheels on the Bus” to “Goodnight Moon” and countless stories in between, a wide variety of children’s books are available to parents. The research shows that reading with your children promotes language and literacy development and improves their chances for success in school.
Books can expose children to a world beyond their everyday experiences. Perhaps your time together with books will promote a love for reading that will last a lifetime.
During September, we’ll talk about the importance of reading to children. Won’t you join us and share your own personal experiences with books?
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Brothers and sisters can seem to be arch enemies one moment and best friends the next. Or maybe you’ve described it as “can’t live with them, can’t live without them”.
The good news is that while siblings fight a lot, they also learn to resolve the conflicts, this is a valuable social skill that translates well into relationships in school. Fast forward into the adult world with personal and work relationships, and you can readily see how living with siblings is a rehearsal for later life.
During July, we will talk about the benefits and challenges of siblings, stereotypes, and how siblings shape each other’s lives.
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Fathers are different from mothers, but offer love, guidance and support in their own unique way. During June, we’ll talk about the role of fathers and what research has to say about this important role.
National studies show that an overwhelming majority of Americans agree that fathers play an important and irreplaceable role in the lives of children. Seven out of 10people in one study agreed that the physical absence of fathers from the home is the most significant social problem facing America.
Join us in June as we talk celebrate ‘All About Fathers’.
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Mom, mommy, mother, mum — a mother by any other name is still a mother. During May, join us to talk about what mothers mean to their children.
We’re looking beyond the Mother’s Day cards and flowers, presents and breakfast in bed. There is more to consider than just the ritualized and commercialized recognition of children’s appreciation and love for their mothers.
We’re taking a look at what science tells us about the importance of mothers. We’ll talk about the types of mothers, the roles they play and the benefits to children. We might even include some of the lessons we’ve learned from our mothers.
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
“Play is a way in which we can learn about ourselves and others. It is at the heart of creativity and makes us more productive”.
Parents often greet a new baby with stuffed animals, dolls and other toys, all given in anticipation of the play that is to come. Join us in March as we talk about the power of play for children of all ages.
Click on the podcast below to hear fascinating research on play.
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Sometimes life is not fair — and that really can make a child mad. As adults and caregivers, we help children learn how to cope with their anger in positive ways. Join us this month as we offer tips for parents and teachers on how to help children with their anger.
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Should parents spank their children? This month that’s our topic~ yes we really are gonna talk about spanking and alternative ways to discipline children.
Listen to the podcast, check out the links and then join us for great discussion!
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Research shows that children who get everything they want grow up to be greedy, materialistic, self-centered adults. However, parents can raise their children to focus instead on internal life goals, such as learning, developing relationships and helping others.
In December, join us as we offer tips for parents on how to avoid overindulging children and learning when ‘enough is enough. Overindulgence
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Teach children manners and they’re more likely to grow up to be respectful and develop empathy for others. Join us in November as we focus on offering tips to help children learn manners and how they connection to respect and empathy.
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.
Parents want their children to have friends, but childhood friendships can be puzzling. One day a child is part of the “in group” and the next day he or she is on the outside. What’s a parent to do?
The good news is that parents can help children develop the skills they need to make and keep friends. Join us this month as we navigate through the world of children’s friendships.
Listen to a brief podcast on Children and Friendship:
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.