Parenting is a journey. It is not a sprint to the finish, rather, a daily walk with those in our care, until they are launched as independent young adults. And then, parenting continues. Some parents look forward to the day their children leave the nest, knowing they created an environment that helped them learn the skills and abilities necessary to navigate our great big world.
If you are parenting teens, then you know this stage of life can be pretty unpredictable, depending on a number of factors including: a teen’s temperament; a teen’s age; family structure; available resources; education; peer support; and so much more.
The teen years are a time of growing independence. Homework, sports, afterschool activities, a part time job, time with friends all seem to take these teens away from the family home many hours of the day. And when the teen is home, are they hiding out in their room, or are they gathering with other family members for meals, tv, and other family routines? Navigating this sensitive time in development is important.
While a teen is experiencing many physical and emotional changes to their growing body, their brain is not quite fully developed, so the decision-making ability of a growing teen may not match the ability of someone older.
The Science of Parenting hosts discuss some specific strategies for the teen age years including:
Being available to your teen by responsive listening and communication.
Serving as a role model of responsible behavior.
Continuing to provide boundaries and enforcement of safety rules while supporting your teens growing independence.
With two earned degrees from Iowa State University, Barb is a Human Sciences Specialist utilizing her experience working alongside communities to develop strong youth and families! With humor and compassion, she enjoys teaching, listening and learning to learn!
Those of us here at the Science of Parenting are snuggled deep in our blankets and sweaters. Realizing that most of you probably were too, we decided that it might be a good time to revisit the idea of Stop. Breathe. Talk. With the long cold spell and the possibility of cancelled events and schools there may be a multitude of people inhabiting enclosed spaces and perhaps even getting on each other’s nerves. Full disclosure my children are all at home and currently not speaking to each other for this very reason. I decided that not only could I implement Stop. Breathe. Talk. myself (model it for my children), but I could also actually TEACH them the technique. I realize that yes, my children are teens and are better able to understand and logically (sort of) think through the process, but honestly even when they were younger I utilized the technique as well. It just didn’t have the NAME then. It is always OK to help a child at any age learn to stop and take a deep breathe to help calm them down.
Stop. Actively recognizing that the situation or current moment has to change. This is a conscious decision to change the direction of thoughts, emotions and behaviors. We just plain recognize that something right this second has to change. And it starts with us.
Breathe. Literally showing them the biggest deepest breathe you can (because they need to SEE you do it) can slow their heart rate (and yours) in a way that can begin to cool down the intense moments.
Talk. Finding and using the calm, cool, collected voice also helps to reduce the tension in the shoulders and jaw allowing the opportunity for our face to show a sense of peace.
Guidance and discipline, when intentionally planned in thought and action, can be effective for your family. Remember to look through our resources on the science of website parenting to see how you can be purposeful with your child. Also check out our resources for parenting teens. And in the meantime, STAY SAFE AND WARM!
Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.