Weaker for the Kindness

Well, campus is full again with students and I noted parents hovering around some of them. You’ve probably heard the term “helicopter parent” used for parents who watch over their child’s every move, guiding everything they do and protecting them from all potential dangers. I have a confession to make. When I was a kid, I played on the monkey bars, I rode my bike without a helmet, and my softball team not only didn’t win, we didn’t get stickers for showing up. And yes, it’s true – my group of friends and I trick-or-treated without supervision on the streets of Kalona.

It’s not that our world became much more dangerous in the last 30 years, but we’ve become more aware of the dangers, which resulted in fears about letting children become independent. Here’s the thing: these parents mean well – they want what’s best for their children – but they may be doing more harm than good. My grandmother used to say that doing too much for other people and not letting them learn to do things on their own was ensuring they would be weaker for the kindness.

I read a Forbes article describing parenting behaviors that keep children from becoming leaders. The author referenced Dr. Tim Elmore, an expert on developing emerging leaders. Elmore says children will have a hard time becoming leaders if we don’t let them experience risk or if we rescue them too quickly. He says kids can’t learn to lead if we rave about them too easily or reward them regardless of their performance, if we let our own guilt get in the way, or if we don’t share our own mistakes. If our kids are intelligent or gifted, we may assume they also are mature. But most of all, if we don’t act as the example, who will our kids follow?

I find myself wondering whether these concepts extend to Extension and Outreach as well. Do we hover like helicopter parents, trying to save each other, our partners, and our clients from risk, or do we help others take calculated risks? Do we work through frustrations or try to simply minimize them? Are we willing to experiment, to learn from and share our mistakes, to be the example we want others to follow? Do we allow others to grow out of their comfort zones? Essentially, if we treat them as fragile, our partnerships and staff become fragile. If we encourage resilience and reward perseverance, we just might get it. See you there.

— Cathann

4 thoughts on “Weaker for the Kindness

  1. I especially liked this posting! Fear seems to rule so many decisions that parents and organizations and companies make. And it can be catching.

  2. Kalona, Iowa, is still a safe place to trick or treat for sure! We love your hometown roots to Washington County.

  3. Thank you especially for this blog. I very much enjoyed it! It definitely takes information that I believe (over protective parents may not be the best way to act) and challenges me on a professional level.

  4. Thank you very much, very well put. Great reminder that youth really is an investment in “our” future!

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