Science of Parenting • Iowa State University Extension and Outreach

Help me pack my bag

May 15, 2014 Donna Donald

Your child really wants to go to camp this summer and after careful thought, you are ready to give it a try. Then the next question may be – day camp or sleepaway camp? This is a pretty big decision that can impact how successful the camping experience is for your child. While many children around the ages of 9 or 10 are probably ready for being away from parents and on their own, there are several factors to consider.

Let’s start with the obvious. Does your child stay overnight with grandparents or friends? Can he get through the night without calling you to come get him? Has he been away from home, and you, for more than a night or two?

It’s not a good idea to pack a bag and send your child off to camp for a week if she’s never slept away from home on her own. Instead this might be the summer to sign her up for day camps and plan a sleepover at a friend’s house.

However, if your child seems okay with being on his own away from home, go ahead and explore sleepaway camp options. Start with camps that have a shorter duration – of a week or less. If all goes reasonably well, then you can look at longer time frames next year.

As you’re making camp decisions, remember to take into account your child’s ability to take care of herself. Can she get up, find her clothes, and make it to events on time?Does she make friends easily? Is she willing to try new activities and foods? Do unfamiliar places, routines, and people cause anxiety? The answers to these questions will help you determine what types of camps are better choices.

Once you’ve explored these questions with your child, you’re ready to help pack the backpack for a day camp or the duffle bag for a sleepaway camp. Then let the fun begin!

Donna Donald

Donna Donald is a Human Sciences specialist for Iowa State University Extension and Outreach who has spent her career working with families across the lifespan. She believes families are defined by function as well as form. Donna entered parenthood as a stepmother to three daughters and loves being a grandmother of seven young adults.

January 24, 2016

camps, friendship, social-emotional children, emotional

Leave a Comment

Do we get to help them choose?

April 24, 2014 Lori Korthals, M.S.

choice. choose. select. decide.

When it comes to children and religion who gets the the choice? Who gets to choose, select or decide?

I grew up in a family that had religious rituals like Donna described last week. Religious rituals were always a part of my life. I was so comfortable with religious rituals that when I was a teen I decided that I would ‘change’ where I practiced those rituals. I yearned for more options and activities for teens, so I began to practice down the street with my friends (similar religion, different location). My family supported my decision with the rule that as long as I attended and participated I could go with my friends. It was my choice. I sometimes wonder what I would have done if my parents had said it wasn’t my choice. They were very brave to allow me the decision. I wonder if they were looked at ‘sideways’ for allowing me to select? I wonder if they worried about telling me ‘no’ and feared that I would turn away from religion? Ironically, thirty years later, we all practice at the same place once again, my parents, my family, and my children. I sometimes think about what I would do if my teens asked me to practice elsewhere.

What might you do if your teen wanted to practice a similar religion at a different location? Share your thoughts with us.

Lori Korthals, M.S.

Mother of three. Lover of all things child development related. Fascinated by temperament and brain development. Professional background with families, child care providers, teachers and community service entities.

January 24, 2016

miscellaneous, parenting children, communication, emotional, family, family time, parenting, religion

Leave a Comment

Spiritual Development

April 11, 2014 Lori Korthals, M.S. 10 Comments

Spiritual development in children… yep it’s part of their natural development. It’s part of their moral and cultural development. We didn’t just pick this topic randomly. We selected it purposely because just like physical development and social development, it is a part of your child that will continue to grow and develop over time. It’s the part of your child that plays into how they begin to make sense of their world and the people in it. It’s the part of their development that shapes their values and beliefs about their families, friends, communities and nations.

Coming to reliable psychic readings, getting a psychic reading can either confirm something you already know or help you move towards the right direction by redirecting your path, it can give you an entirely new perspective and a new point of view that you’ve never considered. You can read more here to get help and make changes in your life.

In the digital age, the world of psychic readings has expanded beyond traditional face-to-face encounters. With the advent of online platforms, individuals now have access to a myriad of psychic services, including tarot readings. Tarot readings online provide a convenient and accessible means of tapping into spiritual guidance from the comfort of your own home. Whether you’re pondering questions for psychic about your love life, career, or personal growth, online tarot readings offer a personalized and insightful experience tailored to your specific needs. Through the power of technology, seekers can embark on a journey of self-discovery and enlightenment, unraveling the mysteries of their lives one card at a time.

How then can we foster a healthy spiritual development? How can we help to answer their questions about their world in a positive way? How can we nurture values and beliefs and children’s spiritual development? Spiritual and moral development can be a daunting and abstract concept but as I was looking through various resources I came across this poem and thought I would share.

What is Spirituality?

delighting in all things

being absorbed in the present moment

not to attached to ‘self’ and

eager to explore boundaries of ‘beyond’ and ‘other’

searching for meaning

discovering purpose

open to more?

Spirituality is like a bird; if you hold it to tightly, it chokes; if you hold it too loosely, it flies away. Fundamental to spirituality is the absence of force.

– Rabbi Hugo Gryn

What are ways that you nurture spiritual development in your child?

Lori Korthals, M.S.

March 28, 2024

education, moral, parental relationships, parenting children, educational media, emotional, family time, moral, parenting, positive parenting, spiritual, well-being

10 Comments

Kids and Funerals

March 21, 2014 Donna Donald 1 Comment

Ok, here’s a big question for parents – should your child attend the funeral of a family member, friend, classmate, or neighbor? Maybe we should begin with why we have funerals. Funerals are a ceremony, a ritual that serves important functions. It is an occasion to celebrate the life of a deceased person and acknowledge the reality of his or her death. Funerals are a step in the mourning process.

Let’s be honest. Funerals are difficult for adults and that impacts our feelings about children’s attendance. Whether you should take your child to a funeral depends on the child and the situation. If your child is old enough and wants to go, then being included can be helpful. And depending on who died, it may be important for you to have your child present.

The big issue is preparation. Explain to your child what will happen at the funeral. This includes visitation (if attending) plus before, during, and after the funeral. Talk about the setting, music, flowers, service, casket. Let your child know people will be sad and some may cry, including yourself. If you have spiritual or religious beliefs, share how death is perceived. Depending on your own relationship with the deceased, you may want to have another family member or friend be with your child. Above all, don’t leave a child to experience the events alone.

I found that taking a child to the funeral home ahead of the visitation or service is a good step. Then the child can look and ask questions. This will help both of you find comfort and meaning. Likewise, a trip to the cemetery ahead of time can relieve fears. A funeral and burial is NOT a time for surprises. Don’t assume that once the funeral is over that’s it. Set aside some quiet time to hold your child, talk about the experience, and provide a feeling of safety and comfort.

Donna Donald

June 3, 2018

grief, miscellaneous children, death, dying, emotional, funerals, grief

1 Comment

Age Related Guidelines

March 14, 2014 Lori Korthals, M.S.

As Donna and I pondered the topic this month, we wanted to make sure that we talked about the fact that many things die. Animals. People. Plants. Flowers. Bugs. Fish. All living things die. The most important thing when talking about the topic of death is to remember the child’s age. The age of the child is what guides your conversation. Here are a couple of age related guidelines directly from the extension.org article “Loss and Grief: Talking with Children”.

Infants. Children under a year old seem to have very little awareness of death, but do experience feelings of loss and separation. Infants might show similar signs of stress as an older child or adult who is coping with loss: crankiness, eating disturbance, altered sleep patterns, or intestinal disturbances.
Toddlers. Children between the ages of one and three generally view death as temporary. That’s why it’s very important to state simply and directly that the person has died and to explain what that means.
Young children. Children between the ages of three and six might believe their thoughts, feelings or actions can cause death. Feelings of responsibility and guilt can arise. It’s important to tell children what caused the death and be attuned to any sense of responsibility the child might convey.
Older children. School aged children begin to develop a more mature understanding of death, seeing it as both inevitable and irreversible.
Teenagers. Teenagers are going through many changes and life in general can be very challenging. During a time of loss and mourning, let your teenager know that you’re there for her/him. Be present while also allowing space and privacy. Respect your teenager’s feelings, listen well, and let them teach you about their grief and how you can help.

To view the whole article : Loss and Grief: Talking with Children

How have you talked with children about the loss of living things and people? Share your conversations with your children about loss and death here.

Additional resource for talking with children about death are below:

Lori Korthals, M.S.

June 3, 2018

grief age, children, children's health, emotional, grief, loss

Leave a Comment

What’s Wrong with Baxter?

March 6, 2014 Donna Donald 1 Comment

Like many kids, I grew up with pets. There were hamsters and turtles and fish and cats and dogs and chickens. Yes, chickens – remember I was a farm kid. So I tried to remember what it felt like when the pets died. I have vivid memories of some pets like my dog Boo and others not so much.

When a pet dies, the amount of information or what you say, depends on the child’s age, experiences, and maturity level. Offer your child a clear and simple explanation. Let your child’s questions guide the details you reveal.

Tell the truth. Use the actual words “death,” “dying,” or “died.” Be sure your child understands the pet’s body stopped working; it died; and will not be coming back. Do not say Baxter ran away when he really crawled in the garage and died. Do not say Penelope went to sleep and won’t wake up. Children take literally what you say and false statements will confuse them. Eventually your child will figure out you lied and that starts to complicate trust issues.

Sometimes there is a chance to say goodbye and if a child able to do so, that can be helpful. The family may want to observe the pet’s death in a special way. I remember wrapping pets in cloth, putting them in shoe boxes, and burying them in a special place. Every pet, no matter type or size, always got a burial ceremony. We talked about our pets, remembering the funny stories and antics.

And here’s one last tip. Don’t immediately get another pet. We don’t want children to think pets and people are replaceable. Wait until your child asks to get a new kitten. Then you can talk about how welcoming a new furry friend into your home is a way to honor the life of the pet that died.

Do you have a memory of a pet that died? How did your parents handle the situation? What have been your experiences with your own child?

Donna Donald

June 3, 2018

grief, pets death, emotional, pet death, pets

1 Comment

Role model respect

February 1, 2014 Lori Korthals, M.S.

Finding research on the impact of arguing in front of children was easy. Wrapping my head around how to talk about it was harder. As we come to the end of the topic for the month, I think we could probably agree that it comes down to a word we have all heard before. Respect. We are not always going to agree with the adults in our children lives. That is a fact. It is important however, that we learn to agree to respect each other in front of our children. Children learn about respect from the adults around them. The most important role model they have is you. I encourage you to do your best to role model respect. It’s easier said than done sometimes but is so very important in the long run.

What are some thoughts you head about our topic this month? We would love to hear from you!

Lori Korthals, M.S.

January 24, 2016

divorce, parental relationships children, communication, conflict, emotional, family

Leave a Comment

Let’s Fight Fair

January 16, 2014 Lori Korthals, M.S. 2 Comments

Conflict between human beings happens. It happens between adults, between children and even between adults and children. So how do we learn to fight fair?

An article I found from the University of Texas at Austin gives some great ideas on how to have conflict in a ‘fair’ way.

Here are some of their suggestions:

Deal with only one issue at a time: Stay focused on only one topic. Focus on that one issue until you have resolved it agree to disagree. Then move to the next issue.
Avoid accusations: Like Donna talked about last week, use the ‘I messages’ and talk about how it makes you feel. Refrain from using the word ‘you’ as much as possible.
Avoid clamming up: Get the issue out. When you stop communicating about what the issue is it can’t possibly be resolved. Shutting down or becoming silent doesn’t make the issue go away. Keep talking. If you need to take a break, do so but commit to coming back and finishing the conversation.

For more suggestions read the whole article from the University of Texas at Austin.

Share your ‘fighting fair’ techniques with us here!

Lori Korthals, M.S.

January 24, 2016

parenting, temperament blended families, children, communication, emotional, parenting, positive parenting, well-being

2 Comments

Time with Grandparents

November 3, 2013 Lori Korthals, M.S.

Historian, mentor and friend are some of the roles that today’s grandparents play. The relationship of a grandparent and grandchild is second in emotional importance only to the parent/child relationship.This month we will take a closer look at the various roles of grandparents, including grandparents raising their grandchildren. During November we will talk about how important grandparents can be in the lives of their grandchildren.

Lori Korthals, M.S.

February 26, 2020

grandparenting emotional, families, grandparent role, grandparents

Leave a Comment

Fathers are more fun…

June 21, 2013 Lori Korthals, M.S. 1 Comment

Got your attention didn’t I? Now moms, don’t be mad at me because we can be WAY fun, and trust me I am a really fun mom, it’s just that sometimes I feel like fathers are more fun!

So I was curious. Was I just ‘feeling’ less fun? Or is there was a difference in how mothers and fathers have ‘fun’. Here is what I found.

A summary of Fathers Involvement in Their Children’s Schools shared the following (http://nces.ed.gov/pubs98/fathers/):

Researchers are in agreement that mothers and fathers interact differently with their children (Parke, 1995).
Fathers spend proportionately more time playing with their children, while mothers spend a greater proportion of their total time with their children in caretaking activities (Lamb, 1986).
Because mothers spend a greater amount of time overall with their children, they may actually spend more time playing with them than do fathers, yet caretaking is still what best characterizes their time, while play best characterizes the fathers’ overall time with their children. Fathers and mothers also play differently with their children, with fathers much more likely to be rough and tumble (Parke, 1995; Hetherington and Parke, 1993).

Whew!! I’m not less fun! I just play different than fathers do! I would love to hear how you play and have fun. Whether you are a mother or a father, spending time having fun and playing is so important. Share ideas here!

Lori

Lori Korthals, M.S.

1 Comment

All About Fathers

June 3, 2013 Lori Korthals, M.S.

Fathers are different from mothers, but offer love, guidance and support in their own unique way. During June, we’ll talk about the role of fathers and what research has to say about this important role.

National studies show that an overwhelming majority of Americans agree that fathers play an important and irreplaceable role in the lives of children. Seven out of 10 people in one study agreed that the physical absence of fathers from the home is the most significant social problem facing America.

Join us in June as we talk celebrate ‘All About Fathers’.

Lori Korthals, M.S.

July 5, 2013

fathers, parenting, play, podcast academic performance, children, communication, discipline, education, emotional, family, family time, fathers, kids, learning, parenting, positive parenting, teen

Leave a Comment

Play is Child’s Work

March 23, 2013 Donna Donald

As adults we go to work each day – either at a place of employment or at home. And by the end of the day we’re tired and ready to relax. Well, did you know that child also go to work by playing. That’s right, play is a child’s work.

Let me give you some examples. When I was a child I played house. I took care of the babies, fixed meals, and talked to my pretend husband and kids. I played school with my siblings and we took turns being the teacher. On other afternoons we took things out of the cupboard, lined them up on the counter, and played store. One of us got to be the clerk while the others made the purchases.

We worked hard at playing and at the same time we worked hard at learning. These play experiences helped us with skills in math, science, language and writing. We also learned how to get along, how to have conversations, how to figure out problems.

How do you see your child playing? What is he learning as he “works”?

Donna Donald

May 30, 2018

play communication, emotional, learning, play, play with purpose

Leave a Comment

The RIGHT Kind of Play

March 14, 2013 Lori Korthals, M.S. 4 Comments

I admit to feeling like I had a play deficit when my children were little. So much so that I used to make myself feel pretty guilty because as an early childhood educator I felt like I should be better at ‘PLAY’. What I discovered is that I just play differently. And guess what. So do you!

We all play differently. I found that I like play that is active or has action. Others like to play board and/or card games that are more quiet. While still others enjoy the make believe and dress up adventures. There is no right or wrong way to play. There is just play. Pure and simple. Play. Play is face to face with the children in your life. Engaging their mind and body while creating strong relationships. Back and forth communication. I guess my message really is don’t over analyze how you play or if you play is good enough or right enough.

Just play.

Pat yourself on the back, give yourself credit and tell me how you like to play with the children in your life.

Lori Korthals, M.S.

4 Comments

Tag: emotional

Do we get to help them choose?

Lori Korthals, M.S.

Spiritual Development

Lori Korthals, M.S.

Kids and Funerals

Donna Donald

Age Related Guidelines

Lori Korthals, M.S.

What’s Wrong with Baxter?

Donna Donald

Role model respect

Lori Korthals, M.S.

Let’s Fight Fair

Lori Korthals, M.S.

Time with Grandparents

Lori Korthals, M.S.

All About Fathers

Lori Korthals, M.S.

Play is Child’s Work

Donna Donald

Latest Podcast Episodes

Connect with us!

Recent Blog Posts

Meta

Latest Podcast Episodes

Connect with us!

Recent Blog Posts

Tags

Meta